Not another basketball post

Stick with me - there is a really cool message to share here.

I think it is safe to say that my social media accounts are often flooded with posts about basketball. Stadium check ins, results, sharing news to gain support for basketball, how proud I am of my family involved in basketball.
I know there are probably people who see those updates and roll their eyes, or think "she's at it again"!
I'm not sorry to say that I actually don't care, and let me tell you why!

Basketball has given us so much more than just a healthy lifestyle for our girls. This weekend my daughter celebrated her 13th birthday. Even at her young age she established some amazing friendships through the sport of basketball. Incredibly she had 4 friends travel up to 5 hours to be there with her.

You see, this sport provides incredible opportunities to bond with other players in your state. From as young as 10 years old. Each year the Country NSW basketball organise a state wide event called Jamboree and kids are placed into teams with noone from their own club. This encourages new friendships to form. It was here that my daughter's friendships began with, what can only be described as life long friendships. The same kids that traveled a significant way just to spend this weekend hanging out. Seeing them all together is what prompted me to think about our involvement with the sport and how worthwhile it all is.

Because these kids have had to sleep on stadium floors for weekend basketball camps, been taught to thank coaches, staff and managers/cooks they have adapted to being independent and reinforced the great skill of always being polite and thankful. This certainly made it easier to make a decision about whether they were able to stay at our place over the weekend. Despite the house nearly bursting at the seams, they weren't any trouble at all. Not a 'princess' type amognst them!

Even adding in a couple of extras from my daughters local basketball team made for a fun time. They had all played against each other at some point so they were familiar to each other. But all molded together seamlessly. Since they've returned home they have all connected together online too. So the friendships have extended, and for girls, this can only be a good thing.

This sport has offered me opportunities to make friends too. I've always been a big believer in being a participator when it comes to things my kids are involved in. Too often parents sit back and expect that someone else is going to do the jobs that are needed. I care about the future of this sport that I love, so I give back to it at every opportunity I can. A bi-product of this is that I can walk into any stadium in NSW (and some interstate) and never be alone. I have made friends everywhere.

We are just one family of hundreds who are involved in basketball who I know feel the same way about it too.

So when you have your eyes ready to roll about 'another basketball post', just think about what this great sport gives to so many families.

"Beach Etiquette" - Being a good beach citizen

For those of us who are lucky enough to live near a beach or visit a beach regularly we have come to know the great time you can have in the surf, sun and sand. Over time you build up the knack to know what is good etiquette and what is not. 

Living on the beautiful Central Coast we often see an influx of visitors from all over the globe in Summer. It's wonderful to have so many tourists visit and the injection of the almighty dollar to the region, so I certainly don't take issue with that. In  fact I love hearing all the different accents and seeing all the various people come and go. But when booking accommodation in any region that has a beach the simple steps below should be shared. 

A sunny day will attract a crowd

1. Give us some space - When you have lots of options of where to set up your family for the day, take a moment to look around. See where people are already set up and give some space between you and them. I know that some days you are lucky to get even a small piece of turf to call home for the day. But when there are lots of options don't park yourself in the shade of someone else's bit of paradise.
2. Prepare your children (that are old enough to understand)- Explain to them that when they walk or run on sand, they will inevitably kick up sand and need to allow enough space between the others enjoying the beach. This will prevent others being covered in sand as you have turned your back and they have managed to kick sand over every person between you and the waters edge. By all means let them be excited about racing to the waters edge, just allow a wide berth. 
3. Take a deep breath before you put up your beach tent/gazebo - There is nothing more toxic than mixing stressed out couples/families with heat and beach tent that clearly won't cooperate. We all know its frustrating, but yelling and having a huge argument is actually not going to get it set up any quicker........I know.....shocking news. You are there to enjoy yourself, besides you still have to pull the thing down at the end of the day when you are tired, sunburned and hungry. Save some fight for that.
4. Swim between the flags - A very common and important rule at patrolled beaches, but don't swim outside the flags then rouse on the surfers and body boarding locals for have a near miss with your little precious Johnny or you. 
5. Ball games are not for crowded areas - I love nothing more than a hit of cricket, a kick of a soccer ball or some volleyball at the beach. Its really a great way to spend time with family and friends, but when the beach is crowded, you need to be considerate. Your 1m x 1m patch of turf is not really enough to show off your skills like Ronaldo without kicking the ball (along with sand) into others. 
6. Yes we are outdoors but smoke still travels - The laws are changing to start to protect those who choose not to smoke. I have no issues in providing smokers the option to smoke in the outdoors should they wish, but when you are close (see step number 1) I don't appreciate your second hand smoke.
7. Your boobs are fabulous but we don't need to see them - Before you decide to get your flawless, tan without lines, have a look around to see who might also be enjoying the beach. It might be acceptable in some locations and cultures, but Aussie beaches generally are inhabited by families, so cover up or pay the money for a spray tan. (P.S. I am sure there are many blokes who may disagree with this step). 
8. Language please - For same reason as above, if you are not educated enough to use anything other than swear words to have a conversation, then keep your voice down. Those words may be acceptable in your world, but might not be for the families of younger children around you. Side note for teenagers: It does not make you cool to swear really loudly with your friends (you're welcome).
9. Watch where you walk - Stepping on other's belongings as you make your way to the shop for your ice cream is not OK. The countless times that I've observed people knowingly stepping on towels and beach toys is crazy. Not to mention the great castles and creations that toddlers have made (and clearly still playing with) that have been destroyed by a careless adult or teen. 
10. Secure your items - If there is a breeze at the beach its inevitable that items that are not secured might blow around. In particular beach umbrellas. I know that it sucks to get sand all on your hands and up your nails but dig a deep and narrow hole in which to place your umbrella. If you have kids get them to do it, they have the perfect size hands for the job. If not just suck it up and do it yourself, and you can wash your hands when your done. Our family have been victims of the flying umbrella on more than one occasion at the beach. 
11. The beach is not a garbage tip - At the end of the day there are not cleaners who sweep the beach like they do in cinemas and stadiums, so take your rubbish with you. Don't bury it or leave it behind for it to affect wildlife or for other people to step on later. Better still, be prepared and bring a bag or two for the inevitable rubbish that you will create while you are there that you can then drop into a bin on your way out. 

I love the beach, and so do many others, so by simply being considerate while you are there will make it enjoyable for everyone. 

Public service announcement over. Enjoy your summer!

A sporting club is not simply just somewhere you play sport!!

Are you part of a sporting club?

What got you there? Was it the sport that you love? Your mates are there?

Team spirit can mean so much more

There are so many reasons that people join a sporting a club. I believe that whatever reason that you join, the reason you stay is because of the sense of community.

People want to belong, and feel like they are a part of a 'group'. Not as a status symbol, but they want that intangible feeling of being wanted and needed. That sense of community and belonging is hard to replicate in any other environment. Sure the sports and health benefits are great too, and be able to be competitive and have your own interest which makes it  a very appealing option for many.

This blog was inspired by a tragic loss of a young teenage cricketer (and soccer player) on the Central Coast of NSW. It showed how incredible this sense of community spread so quickly.

His family were involved in the Kincumber Avoca Cricket Club and Avoca Football Club of which became an incredible support for the family and for each other. Within days the clubs sprung into action to provide support to the players who had been affected. The older players being there for the younger players as well as each other. It was incredible to see this shortly after this tragic death, but also at the funeral. Whilst a shame that this situation occurred, it made me proud to be amongst a group of cricketers who clearly were unwavering of their support to the family and to each other.

Your sporting club really becomes part of your family. In fact there are many people you would see from your club more than your own family as you see each other at least once a week (often twice). This is why clubs are so important and that as part of a club you have a sense of responsibility to create that space in those that you are involved in. Its not about in-fighting or politics (whilst many clubs have this), its about coming together for a common purpose of sport but leave with more than just sports in common.

You might be just the person that someone feels comfortable talking to because you share the sport in common. You might be the first person to tell them they have a done a good job, or have great talent. Choose your words to always build up and not pull down. In particular if you have players who are developing or that you are coaching. Always find something good in people that you play alongside.

Parents who are involved in their kids sports, remember that there is a lot they are still learning from you. Choose your conversations about other players and officials wisely when in the presence of your kids.  Kids with a bad attitude in sports grow up to be adults with a bad attitude in sports. Talk about how you can support and help your team mates. Speak well of officials and administrators. If they don't get picked in a team don't make excuses, just show them how to be gracious and supportive of those friends who have. 

Our family is so fortunate to be involved in 2 great clubs in Kincumber Avoca Cricket Club and Gosford City Rebels. We have great people around us and our kids and are both clubs that are about 'club spirit' and not just about the individual players. Its where we go along to watch others play to show our kids that its not just about turning up to play and going home, but about being there for those people in your club. We chat on the sideline with the families and friends to show we are available if we are needed. We volunteer to make sure that the club can continue to run. All are done happily and willingly, as people before us have done that for us and our children. 

If you need connection and community, sure you will find it a variety of ways. Online through social networking sites, at churches, community groups, volunteering at soup kitchens etc. Whatever you do, find somewhere that you can connect. Find people that you can talk to so you will always have someone to ask you 'Are you ok?', it could save your life or the life of someone else one day.

This post dedicated to the Lerway family

When you realise you 'fit'!

Life can be tough. There are challenges thrown at you. Some of them you have control over, but many of them you do not. 

What makes dealing with these challenges more difficult is being in a job that is not the right fit. We have all been in jobs like that, and not necessarily because you aren't capable of the work either. We all possess skills that enable us to do different types of work. But these jobs don't help us get out of bed in the morning or feed our soul. 

What's incredible is the way it so subtly affects the rest of your life. It's not until it changes that you realise how it slowly wears you down. Coming against opposition, working in a culture that doesn't match your values, doing work that is not valued, not being challenged, and not being able to effect change can all be symptoms of being in wrong job. 

It is best described as being a square peg in a round hole. You just don't fit. You can try to shift position, push really hard, even try and approach it a different way, but nothing changes the fact that you are simply not a match for that round hole. 

Recently I have noticed that a change in my work situation changed my mood and my life. I had quickly realised that I had a passion for social media. The work that I was doing when I came to that realisation was definitely not a match, in fact I couldn't even look at social media from my work or phone throughout the day. This passion caused me to look outside of my work to fill the hole to give me what I needed to feel balanced and find that passion again. I found how my passion could fill a need at our local sports clubs and volunteered to create and maintain a suite of social media accounts for them. 

PERFECT! So now I am feeling like I am really doing something. But still not enough, I wanted to be able to work in this field so I needed to make myself more marketable to work that might come up in that area. I sought out a course that gave me qualifications in the field. This further stirred my desire to find somewhere I would 'fit'. 

Through making contacts and marketing myself as an asset to any digital communications team, it finally happened!!! 

Yes............I found a square hole!

Not just any square hole! A job which meets my occupational needs, and my personal needs (work-life balance). I am amazed at the difference in my life and how it affected my mood and my family life. The people I work with are trusting, friendly and supportive of what I do. Very blessed.

It didn't come easy and this process has taken about 18 months to find that fit! But it is worth it. You can't give up when you realise you don't fit. 

Sometimes you have to make tough decisions and put yourself out there, because trying to get into a round hole is going to hurt more than hunting for that spot where its not uncomfotable to 'FIT'!

An open letter to the basketball community of NSW

Let's shine basketball community

To NSW basketball community,

I know that I have not met every single one of you, but of the many that I have I wanted to share my experience and thanks for embracing our little family into the fold. 

Only 3 years ago we joined the basketball community more seriously with our eldest daughter (then 13) being selected to represent a country club on the Central Coast. From this moment on we have met some of the kindest, genuine and nicest people.

Being a new family we had a lot to learn about regulations, competitions, selection opportunities, new locations, team dynamics, and all around expectations of being a basketball family. We have been helped so much along the way with all of these things.

I have had the privilege of watching a ridiculous amount of basketball games over a number of locations and in matches at club level, school competitions, Country Tournaments, State Cup and State Championships. In addition to that attended a number of WNBL & NBL games and Waratah League matches too including finals weekend. I have spoken with players, family members, parents, coaches, managers, adminstrators, volunteers and fans of the game. 

I have surmised that the basketball community is the best sporting community that NSW has to offer.

Our family has been sewn into the fabric of the basketball community and very quickly immersed ourselves amoungst this wonderful group of people. We consider it an honour to be considered part of this sport and whilst it doesn't get the support or the coverage that it deserves, I will continue to do what I can to raise the profile of basketball in this state and country. 

So I ask you all the question? Are we all doing our part to support the sport at all levels?

I challenge everyone to talk about basketball with your friends, your colleagues  when you're at the shops, when you're at the hairdressers, when you're talking with business people, on social media, at speaking engagements and on the telephone. Email your local paper and TV news to petition them to put more basketball stories in print and on the television.

Go to your local matches, support the sport by becoming a member of a an NBL & WNBL team nearby. If you have the means, consider sponsoring a club that has a junior representative side. 

It's a GREAT community and over time I can't wait to meet more and more of you over the coming years. Thanks for everything so far and for yet another brilliant basketball season. 

Hannah Pate

Basketball Tragic & Fanatic Supporter

They're ok, they won't mind - when a good natured person is pushed over the edge

There are some wonderful people out in the world. You see them doing thankless work and regularly going above and beyond. Often the motivation is not for the thanks. But it's what happens when the thanks is forgotten? That is when the real problems begin. 

Matthew works in a team of people at work who all get along well. He has a good relationship with his boss and goes about his work, rarely calling on help but always diligently getting his work done, and going over and above. Because he is reliable and appears to be okay the only time his boss would call in on him would be to ask him to do an extra task or to bring correction. 

This occurred year after year, regardless of the extra work that he would do, Matthew was never considered for other opportunities and often overlooked when it came to recognition programs and watched many others promoted above him.

People have to be connected with what they are doing. Whether it is in work or life. It is important to human kind to feel gratitude for what they have contributed. Failing to say thank you or showing gratitude will gradually wear someone down and wear them out. Showing gratitude isn't always just about saying thank you. Many people will feel valued in different ways. Not unlike the 5 Love Languages (c) where each person has one particular way that you can show them 'love' in a way that speaks to them the loudest.  

Failing to do this in any setting can eventually lead to disconnectedness, bitterness and resentment for the person who has been used up and spat out. Whilst this was not the intent at all to make that person feel that way, it is in essence how a lack of gratitude can end up. Obviously the level of feelings varies depending upon someone's resilience and past experience. But you will find that left unattended a person's spirit and enthusiasm for what they do or contribute will soon shrivel up and no longer bear fruit. Similar to a flower bed, if cared for and given what it needs, it can create something beautiful but also something that can be enjoyed by others.

So what happened to Matthew? He lost his drive and trust in those he worked with. He became run down and suffered burn out. He began needing more days off work as his health suffered; He attended counselling to deal with the lack of self-confidence after the countless times people had been promoted ahead of him. It really became a life changing experience for him, and not in a good way. He had done a complete 180 degree turn on the person he started out to be at that workplace. 

But that's not everyone else's fault, why didn't he do something about it for himself? These are people who still have all the right tools and skills to be able to successfully navigate through situations like that, however it will only be able to sustain their self-motivation for so long. Then it will begin to run them down. Besides, taking advantage of someone's good nature or positivity is not okay. Just because someone has a smile on their face and works quietly away from the masses doesn't mean they don't need your support and gratitude. It is so important to recognise the little things, and the big things that a person contributes to your life or workplace. Find out what makes people tick; you will always get the best out of someone if you do.

Is there someone you need to say thank you to?

How will you react when you realise your child is gay?

It is sad to have a knowing that some people will read the heading of this blog and completely ignore that it was ever written. But thank you to those who care enough about their children and are brave enough to read on.

I am a mother of 2 girls. I love my girls for all the things that are different about them. I love that they don't always follow the crowd and they are individuals. They are gorgeous, and love to dress up and wear make up. But they also love to play hard on the basketball court and love adventure.
So, if they came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?

Before I answered that question I want to tell you why I want ALL parents to think about the question heading for this blog.

I have a gay dad. I love my dad to bits. I love that unconditional love means that I still have a great relationship with him (thanks to my mum too). However he, and many others in this world, have been criticised, rejected and cut off from their families because the family members did not choose love above all else. I have spoken personally to countless men and women that have been kicked out of home, banished from speaking to their families and in some cases have attempted suicide because of the rejection from their families.

Let's wind back the clock. You hold your child for the first time. They are absolutely perfect and look up at you and your world changes because they are now in it. You start to look to the future and wonder what they will be when they grow up, who will they marry, will they travel the world? You think about these things and have your own image of how these questions will be answered. But one thing we have to remember is that we absolutely no control over that or whether you son or daughter is gay or straight. They are who they are!

There are many children and teenagers that I have interacted with that already probably know that they are gay, but for a variety of reasons don't understand it or verbalise it. I have taught my children to be loving and caring of ALL people and in particular to be sensitive to those of their friends that may 'come out' during the time of their friendship with them. I am hoping that by talking about it with my girls and educating them, that a friend will find comfort and safety in the friendship they have to be able to confide in them and find support through their 'coming out'.

But my child is only 2 years old, it doesn't affect me!
Talking about this is just as important as talking about immunisation or child locks on power points. It is a life or death situation and I would hate to see parents being anything other than loving and supportive. I am sure that when your child was born you didn't say "I will only take them home if they are straight, I will only take them home if they never misbehave, I will only take them home if they become a teacher like me". You loved them unconditionally! NEVER stop doing that.

So to answer the question "if my girls came to me one day and said "Mum, I'm a lesbian!" what would I do?
I would say "OK" and give them a hug. No drama, no over the top craziness. Just pure and simple love.

Some kids know this really early on in life, yet some don't come to this acceptance until they are older. Either way, they need you to love them.